


No More Chances

by J93



Series: Attack on Titan Fics: Armin x Sasha [AruSasha] [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 00:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J93/pseuds/J93
Summary: The Retaking of Shiganshina proves to two love-stuck soldiers that every day should not be taken for granted.





	No More Chances

Seeing him happy after such a long time made her heart melt. It was hard to get him, and any more else, to crack a smile. Even she had given up some days. But there he was. Just standing there and rubbing his horse’s face, lightly chuckling to its enthusiastic nudging for more. Sasha hides behind her own brown herbivorous, smiling. Lately the poor guy looks like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders everywhere he walks. Exhausted. Who can blame him? He has Commander Erwin and Lt. Hange hovering over him like lightning cloud over a stretch of land with his mind being jabbed constantly with quires about the upcoming expedition.

Sasha gets it. They all do. This mission - the retaking of Shiganshina District - is _the_ most important mission for Humanity. Whoever that was going to take on the responsibility of an ensured victory had to take the burden also. Armin may look weak on the outside but his mind alone put the whole Survey Corp to shame, and if there was anyone the whole Corp trusted the most his name would be said.

Sasha keeps her distant and watches him stroke and pat the neck with glee emanating from himself and his big four-legged friend. She’s seen Armin do this a few times and knows herself enough to not disrupt it, as if she were an artist trying to capture a moment in a painting. Few times she’s disturbed his few moments of peace with her own clumsiness, loudness or stupidity. It always ends the same; her apologizing, him telling her there’s nothing to apologies for, her explaining why she’s apologizing, him repeating his last sentence, her leaving him on good terms but still internally scolding herself for her actions, and then later getting annoyed at not saying what she always wanted to say.

What she wouldn’t give to say what her heart always told her to say.

Sasha shook those thoughts away and continued admiring Armin from afar as he scratched the horse’s face. He suspiciously looked around him, Sasha ducking in time behind her own horse. She looked up and saw Armin reach into the inside of his cloak to take out a red apple. By the looks of it he apparently nicked this one from the cafeteria yesterday. He placed it inside the horse’s mouth whilst whispering in its ear a request to not stitch him up for this. He put his finger to his lips and looked over his shoulder. His eyes were as blue as the clear day and his blond hair waved around with almost every little movement he made. His smile of course always brightened her way. His brow widened, frozen. She wondered what it was until it became obvious.

“ _I won’t tell_.” she mouthed to him and mimed a zip across the lips. He looked relieved.

“ _Thanks_.” he mouthed back, pulling his head down and turning back to his steed.

“Hey Sasha!”

Sasha perked up and spun around to Connie on horseback clopping over. He was geared up with his swords sheathed and his 3DMG strapped in at his sides. All he needed was his green clock and he was set.

He leaned forward. “You ready?” Sasha buffed out her chest and put on her ‘serious’ face that consisted of pushing out her lips and furrowing her brows together.

“You betcha short stuff!”

Connie chuckled and noticed Armin next to them. “Hey Armin! Levi said he needed you over at HQ. Something about… ‘brat control’.”

“ _Dammit Eren_.” Armin muttered under his breath and quickly did a knot on a nearby post for the horse. “Thanks Connie.” He nodded and then did his damnedest to walk at a brisk pace. Watching him get far enough away Connie grinned back at Sasha.

“Were you two chatting away in sign or _through the power of your OWN MIND_?!” he said the last part in a over dramatic tone whilst clutching his shaved head with one hand and waving his hand outward and in circles like he was wizard trying to cast a spell from a book she read once. Sasha tried to ignore him but knew it wouldn’t last long.

“I take it then you didn’t talk to him about… things.” Sasha shook her head. Connie sighed. “Sasha, Sasha, _Sasha_ , come on my dear you need to say something to him otherwise you’ll never get your chance at catching his loins- I mean, love. I meant to say his love.”

“It’s okay.” she weakly laughed. “It’s okay.” her vision became a little blurry. She put a finger under her eye to find a single tear. Connie was beside in seconds, wiping her face with his cloak he pulled out of his duffel bag.

“Are my jokes that bad or is it something to do with Armin?”

“Same man, same old dilemma.”

Connie embraced his friend in a tight hug. Sasha rested her chin on the top of his head. Connie released her and put his arm around on her back and rubbing it. Her head was down now and Connie thought it right to say it; “Just tell him Sash. I’m sure Krista or Historia or whoever has told you the same thing!”

“But I _can’t_ Con! I can’t do it. It’s not that simple! It’s not like I can’t say it it’s just that I won’t because-”

“’Because of the mission’, yeah I hear ya.”

Connie had heard it all before. Sasha can’t (won’t) tell Armin how she feels about him because she is convinced that her tongue could - would - jeopardize the whole mission. She was sure that if he felt the same way he would become distracted and unfocused on what was or wasn’t important thus putting the lives of every man and woman in danger if his mind wasn’t up to speed. What right did she, a low rank nobody, have to put the lives of her fellow soldiers, friends even, into question for her own selfish wants by clouding his sharp mind, his judgement with worry.

Connie took another look at Sasha. Her eyes told him she was tired, helpless of direction. This thing was beyond mere ‘puppy love’ as his mother called it. She was in love with him, fallen head over heels and landed pretty hard on her face. And it hurt. He just wished his friend could express it though he knew she never would, at least not now. But he was going to change that.

“Thing is Sash, you always say you’ll tell him after this and after that but what if there is no ‘after’? What if we’re out there, going through the forest and a Titan jumps out of nowhere and swallows him whole.”

“Oh for fucks sakes Con-!”

“No think about right! What if instead, okay, it tears his leg off and he dies of mass blood loss. Or I don’t know… it just yanks his wires like some of them do and smashes him into the ground into mush. You following me?”

Sasha shrugged her shoulder and his sagged a little along with his head. He heavily sighed and looked back up at her.

“The point I’m trying to make here Sasha is that you need to do something about it soon. Truth is none of us know if we’re going to make it back here today or the next, in this line of work anyway. Any day could be our last. Someone like you should be living in the world of ‘why not?’ and doing everything in your power to keep yourself living a life full to the brim with happiness and joy. But these past few weeks you’ve retreated into this shell you created to supposedly protect yourself but you’ve only ended up hurting yourself more. So much so that in the possible event of something bad happening you’ll very much likely end up crying to me about how you did x, y, z when you should have done a, b and c. That’s the world of regret Sasha, the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’. There is no escape if you end up there. If I were in your boots I’d run over to him, tell him how much it would mean to you if you stood by his side like an equal. Then kiss him on the mouth! Not on the cheek, on the mouth! Tongue or no tongue just _kiss him_ for fucks sakes! Because that’s your choice, Sasha. You either regret not telling him for the rest of your life or say to yourself ‘fuck it’ and go full all in. The choice is yours and only you.”

Silence was Sasha only response. He was right, of course. But Sasha had to ask; “Who are you and what have you done with Connie?”

“What do you mean?” Connie squinted at her.

“Your not this insightfully. Usually.”

“I happen to carry a lot of smarts up in this young noggin of mine.” He said tapping his temple.

Sasha laughed, drying her tears. Connie patted her shoulders and went back to his horse that almost got away with going on walkabout. Before she could assist him, the bell tower rung three times for all soldiers of the Survey Corp to step in line for the expedition. Sasha pulled her cloak out, swung it over her shoulders and began wearing it. She jumped on the saddle and maneuvered her steed over Squad Levi’s position. She slipped between Connie on her left and Jean on her right. Right in front of her was Eren and joined at his hip is of course Mikasa on his right and Armin on his left. The three of them were as focused as ever, Armin the one looking forward the most.

Up ahead, Levi ordered his squad to move onward, one by one in a line. Slowly the Survey Corp moved through the crowded streets of Trost District. People cheered, throwing flowers and confetti down upon them as if this was a return and they had won Shiganshina back without a single casualty already. As the Survey Corp got closer to the gate, the crowd started chanting Erwin’s name and few other names as well. Sasha kept an ear out; a few Levi’s as expected, Hange got the odd one which she loved but the peculiar one was a row of blushing, 20-somethings females pointing and giggling at Eren. Eren ignored them but everyone knew well from her experiences with Annie that Mikasa was the jealous type, though she’ll never admit.

It was odd. All this attention and praise. Nobody cheered for them after Annie knocked the wind from their sails the last time they went out. This uprising sure worked to their benefit but for how long no one was for sure.

The line came to a stop. Above the gate came Queen Historia Reiss in her full regalia, making a speech that sounded like Erwin wrote it. She wished everyone in the Survey Corp her luck. The crowd lapped it up and more when the gate began to draw open. Erwin gave call of ‘FORWARD’ and everyone followed him to Shiganshina.

Sasha made sure to wave at her friend as they passed under and out. The queen smiled back and watched her friends disappear into the distance. Sasha kept her eyes focused on what’s in front of her but from the corner of her eye she’d take a peek at the boy to her front left. Sasha shook her head and made another call to just keep her trap shut and admire Armin from afar.

 _After_ , she decided. _After today I will tell him_.

* * *

The heat from the steam blast was more hotter than anyone estimated. She didn’t remember much else other than Connie catching her and taking her to the top of the wall, not too far away from most of the action. He gave her a shot of morphine, draped her with a blanket and told her to sit tight until the fight was over. She didn’t complain but she wasn’t happy with her lack of participation either. She lay there with her blanket and tried to keep up with what was going on from her angle but her droopy eyelids made that impossible. She lost that fight, eventually. The distant vibrations in the ground caused her to fall in and out of sleep but she soon got use to it enough to ignore them.

A long time passed before her hunter instincts alerted her to close by individuals. One eyelid slitted open to make out a few green cloaks with the Wings on them. They were moving something, or someone, several feet away from her. She could make out one or two of the faces and voices but she was in no position or angle to speak. The morphine was a strong dosage. She may be no doctor but Sasha figured she’ll be unable to do much for a long time. Her injuries made her body sore, and the morphine made her sick with wooziness. Again, she paid no mind to her surroundings. She looked upward to the blue sky with green trails as everything soon turned back to black.

Something crawled over close enough to her for Sasha to tense up. Her ribs and chest stung, the morphine wearing off now piece by piece. A shot of pain nipped her after she tired moving her arms. Whoever was crawling toward her picked up their pace. They reached her side, blocking her view of the sky. The shade made her open her eyes more clearly to a familiar someone hovering above her.

“Sasha?!” Armin’ eyes examined her from head to toe. She slowly moved her head back to Armin who she now noticed was not wearing any shirt under his uniform, revealing a hairless and pale tone. He had a little six pack too. Sasha’ dried lips cracked a little. She couldn’t help it.

Armin peeled back the blanket and his eyes widened more. He sat back with shock. “These are serious injuries!” He had tears falling down his cheeks. He shut his eyes tight and shook his head side to side, his blond hair wavering like usual. He put his hands to his head, shaking. “How did you…” he didn’t finish. He couldn’t talk. Neither could Sasha. She tried a few times but her throat was too horse and weak to form a word. Only moans and pained sounds left her mouth.

“Sasha?” Armin wiped his eyes and leaned in a little closer. “Sasha? Can you hear me?” Sasha tardily nodded. Her jaw wobbled but still nothing came of it. “Take your time Sasha. Your going to be fine.” He looked to his left and back to her. “Give me a second I’ll go get you some water.”

He go up and ran away Sasha knew not where. Like promised he returned shortly after with a canteen. He got to his knees and put his hand under her head to slightly lift her up a little. He then brought the canteen to her lips and poured the water down her throat. He put the canteen aside and shook her head lightly. She licked her lips and looked ahead for the first time in a while. She saw a large red face staring back down at her. It was the Colossal Titan by the looks of it, unmoving and keeping its giant eyes on them both. Though she wasn’t scared no more to care, the question of Bertolt’s whereabouts remained on the tip of Sasha’ tongue. It didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t know who was alive or dead on either side beside herself and Armin.

“Don’t worry about that it’s just a shell.” Armin put her head back down. He was gentle, just how Sasha always imagined him to be. She shook her head but looked back at him. He was looking beyond, down at what remained of Shiganshina District. He had his ‘concentration face’ on. So adorable, Sasha pinched herself. She had never seen it this close before only in the distance whenever he was planning something with the higher ups of command. Which reminded her of she needed to do, the decision she made long before all this started. What a better time than when the two of them on top of the wall with no one around to disturb them? With all she’s got she tried her best to pronounce every syllable she needed.

“Ar…mi…n…”

Armin snapped his head around and heaved himself closer to Sasha’ side. “I’m still here.” He reassured her, leaning down on his elbow by her side. “Do you need anything? Are you in pain? You don’t have to talk, you know? Just nod or shake your head.”

She smiled to which he returned. She moved her arm full of pins and needles to his. She moved it upward to his shoulder to give a squeeze, weak as she was. He looked over his shoulder, concerned. She grabbed hold of him hard enough to give him a yank. She shook her head.

“There’s no need to worry. I’m not going anywhere yet.” He put his hand in hers, holding it in place as his other hand joined together with his and hers. His hands were small, pale and warm. “I’ll be right here - by your side.” With his thumb he rubbed her knuckles, easing her grip and tension. “I promise.”

She nodded with all smiles and shine in her eyes. It was time for her ‘concentration face’ to think of what to say next but the recent head movement made her a little dizzy. Once settled, she lined her words with her mouth up and spoke the obvious; “Than…k yyoouu.”

He softly chuckled, “Not at all. Just doing my bit as a fellow soldier.”

 _What manure!_ Sasha rolled her eyes. She shook her head at him and released her hand to point at his heart.

“Technically I’m following your request. Your request that I don’t mind following…with my heart.” Sasha giggled and Armin shrugged bashfully. “My apologies. I’m not good with small talk. Outside of Eren and Mikasa that is.” He looked away, red as rose.

Sasha nodded then yawned. Her eyes, she noticed, were becoming heavy again. She’d likely wake up in the medical wing of Survey Corp HQ. _Best cut to the chase then._

“Armin.”

Armin looked back over at her. Her hand weakly beckoned him over. He obeyed and shuffled himself in close enough again for him to be directly above her head looking down.

“Yes Sasha?” He took her hand in his own two.

“Fall…asleep soon…”

“I’ll still be here. Maybe not when you wake up but I’ll be here until they take you to the hospital. And I’ll come visit you. Along with the rest. They should be there too.”

Sasha looked at him, her heart skipping a beat or two. How could one man be as kind and considerate as him? She had fallen for the right man, indeed.

“Thank you, but…I want…t-to say…” her breathing was all over the place. She couldn’t speak much and any minute now she was going to be fast asleep. But she needed to know. She had to know what he truly thought of her.

“Say what? What’s wrong? Sasha?!” Armin leered closer, cupping her face then putting a hand on her forehead. “Your burning up! I need to go and get help before-”

“No.”

“Sasha! You might have a fever I need to-”

“ _NO!_ ”

She kept hold of his hands before he could get to his feet. With a small tug he stopped and watched her look at him with pleading eyes. She released him but kept staring. She needed to say something but her throat hurt like hell and her mind was dipping further and further. Frantic, she looked down and found her free hand. It clicked. Armin watched her bring her hand to her lips and giving it the hardest kiss she could give it whilst looking straight at him. She then tried raising it but she was too weak. Seeing her distress, Armin leaned in a little closer. With enough sway she managed to wipe the back of her hand on his cheek, giving it a tiny press. Before her lifeless limp fell he caught it.

“Sasha…do you mean what I think you mean? I-”

“Armin! Your awake!” came a voice rushing toward them. Eren. Makes sense. Sasha noted as her eyes shut. Armin turned and before he could turn his eyes back to her she had already fallen back to sleep. He still, however, held her hand.

* * *

Two long days out in the tent earned Sasha her own room at the hospital. It was a small room with a decent view of the cobblestone street that was busy this time of year due to the markets bursting with customers. The room itself had nothing else going for it. It was white walls with a bed near the window and a few chairs. Sasha didn’t mind much. She spent most of the time doing physical exams and sleeping. When she wasn’t doing these things she was either staring out the window with boredom or waiting for her hospital food to arrive which she loathed to her surprise.

Nine times out of ten the infamous ‘potato girl’ would eat any food left, offered or given to her. Everyone who knew her, knew this this through experience. In a record of two days, however, hospital food managed to became this one exception to the rule and Sasha couldn’t fathom it either. It’s something about its texture that makes her retch and want to throw it up outside the window, which she never did to her credit. For to get out of here, she needed her strength. If this meant eating horrible food then Sasha was signed up. She had breakfast, lunch and diner. Sometimes dessert depending on the menu of the day. Looking out at the marketplace down below made her want to jump out the window, nick an apple or three, using her training to climb up the wall and return to her bed like nothing happened. But her concentration was little off and her balance was shaky at best. Walking to the bathroom was hard enough without climbing down a drainage pipe without raising any suspicions.

Trying to take her mind off food for once and closed the window to prevent the whiff of the smoked pork entering and torturing her stomach from below. She sat back, laying herself down on top of her bed. Her hair was without a bow, leaving it sprawled out on the pillow. She wore plain blue hospital pajamas with some brown slippers next to the chairs if she ever needed them. “ _Heh._ ” she chuckled. _Very unlikely_ , she thought about.

The nurse assigned to watch over her told Sasha she would not only need her strength back but also she would have to be staying inside the hospital for over a week if she wanted her burn wounds treated. Due to some careless chatty nurses Sasha had managed to piece together that apparently Levi himself had placed an order for her to be grounded until further notice. Why they didn’t know other than Levi wanted his own protected. She also heard there was hearing about some of the discoveries made in Shiganshina. All of Squad Levi, except her, were present along with the remaining surviving members of the Survey Corp which brings the total up to 9. Sasha grimaced. _9?! Only 9?! How was that possible?! 9?!_ She remembered most of their faces; Lauda, Moblit, Marlowe, Klaus, Marlene, Dirk, Sandra, Gordon, and even Commander Erwin. Their all dead and gone now. And her she is complaining about getting hospital food. She was going to miss them. She wish the same could be said for Bertolt but part of her knew that he wouldn’t mourn her if she died from her injuries that day. Injuries he inflicted onto her. No. She wouldn’t shed a tear for someone who tried to kill her, even if it were someone in his position. She didn’t do it when the MPs tried to kill two months ego she won’t do it now.

There was knock at the door. Sasha told whoever it was to come in. Peering from the door with a click-board and a pen was her nurse, the one charged with watching over her.

“Miss Blouse?”

“Hmm?” Sasha sounded and was disinterested in whatever she had to say. Unless she was getting an early discharge from this woman then no good would come from her lips. Sasha kept looking up at the ceiling.

“You have a visitor.”

Sasha, excited and curious, leaned her head over to face the nurse. “Who? The queen? The new commander? Connie?!”

“A Mr. Armin Arlert.” The nurse told her clearly. _Oh shit_. Sasha’ heart did a beat faster, and won’t stop to let her have a second of calmness. Her chest heaved in and out, her palms got sweaty. “Shall I let him in?” _ohshit!ohshit!ohshit!_ Her eyes darted all over the place, looking for an escape or a solution. Her brain was asking what to do, why she was nervous and if she’s really ready to see him yet all at the same time.

“Miss Blouse?” Sasha looked back at the nurse, hot and leaking with sweat. “Would you like me to let him in or should I ask him to come back tomorrow?”

“No just give me a sec.” Sasha fanned her herself to a cooler temperature and pulled back the covers to put her lower half under. She sat up straight on her bed, laying back comfortably and giving a quick brush of her long hair using her fingers.

“Okay.”

The nurse nodded and shut the door behind her. Sasha patiently waited and looked down at the way she appeared to herself. The door opened and she looked over to see him standing there in his full uniform with a shirt on underneath his jacket this time. He had a small smile tugging at the end of his lips but seemed to be trying to keep it back.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

He shut the door behind him and shuffled over to one of the chairs, picked it up and placed it near her side. He sat down but did not say anything or look in her direction. Neither did she as her eyes trained on her curled toes. Maybe he was just as nervous as her to talk about the Titan in the room.

“How’s the recovery going?” he finally said, moving his head up to her and smiling. Sasha blinked at him but decided to go along with it.

“Well, I guess.” Sasha shrugged. “I should be out within two days. If I eat my meals and do good in the tests, that is.”

“That’s good.” Armin nodded and looked back down at the floor. Sasha racked her brain on what to do but then remembered something from earlier.

“How did the hearing go today?”

Armin looked up but shuffled uncomfortably. His eyes still looked down and not at her. “As about as well as you expect it really.” He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “Not much to say other than all military branches are now informed of the contents of Grisha’s books-”

“Grisha’s books?”

“Oh, that’s right you weren’t there. In Eren’s basement there were three books written by Eren’s father, Grisha, who as it turns out was also a Titan Shifter from the same place Reiner and the others are from. They’re full of information about this place, including history and prophecies…among other things, but that’s about it.”

“Huh.” Sasha put her head back and stared up at the ceiling, taking in the information. She turned to Armin. “That’s what was in the basement? Just three books? Kinda disappointing.”

Armin wasn’t expecting a reaction like that. “What were you expecting?”

Sasha put her hands up. “Don’t know. Not that that’s for sure. Maybe a medicine to cure Titans or something, I don’t know.”

Armin gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah that would have been something.”

Silence followed. Armin twiddled with his thumbs before dragging his chair closer.

“Sasha, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“I’m listening.” Sasha said a bit too quickly.

“It’s not about what happened on the wall between us but that’s part of it and I will get to it but first I need to tell you something important.” He shifted, released a breath of air and looked straight into her chestnut eyes. “You see, I ended up on the wall because I… I tried to sacrifice myself so that Eren could have a chance to take Bertolt down.”

“What?!” Sasha jumped at him with his words. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “What were you thinking?!”

“I know, in retrospect it was a bad move but at the time it was all I could come up with. I didn’t want to ask anyone else to do it so I volunteered. I came up with it and Eren agreed to it.”

“Well me and Eren will be have a chat once I’m outta here. Mikasa be damned.”

“Sasha-”

“No Armin! I don’t care what you have to say. No one should have agreed to that, the least of all you. I thought you were mean to be the smart one.”

“Like I said, it was all I could come up with at the time. And I didn’t plan on sacrificing myself it just… happened. I rushed him, as planned, and he shot steam out of his body at me, like he would. But my gear was damaged and it got stuck on him. I then felt my clothes and skin burn and blow away.”

Sasha squirmed. The memory of her being ‘steamed’ came back to her, her body replayed events in her mind’s eye. The painful feeling of the burns scorching and popping across the flesh of her stomach and legs made her sick. She swallowed it away, ignoring the sudden itch on her bandaged legs and listened intently to Armin’s story as it continued.

“I thought I wouldn’t survive but… I did.” Armin went on. “I figured that was it, you know. I made my peace of not seeing the ocean, wished Eren and everyone the best of luck in seeing it in my honor and I blacked out. When you were asleep Eren said I was given a copy of the serum Historia’s father had. He said the choice was either me or Commander Erwin and in the end they chose me. I don’t know why, but anyway… I got it and I turned into a Titan and ate Bertolt. The next thing I knew, I’m on top of Wall Maria with you and no burns anywhere. It gets worse.” Sasha heard his voice going low. His eyes started to water and drip over his cheeks. “13 years.” He said like a whisper.

Sasha threw her bed covers away to embrace Armin, holding him with the warmth he needed. He trembled under her, sputtering and wailing against her shoulder. Sasha could only rub his back. He was beginning to fall off his chair but she caught him and lifted them both onto her bed, side by side. He began to clam himself but was still a blubbering mess. She put her hand under his chin and lifted his head to face her.

“Armin,” she breathed out “what is it? What did you mean by ‘13 years’?”

A pained expression returned to his face and he turned away, clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head. Sasha pulled him back, leaning his head against her shoulder and stroking his fair hair along his neck. He sniffed and swallowed then opened his eyes again. “13 years.” He quivered. “It’s all I have left.”

“What do you mean?”

His body trembled a little but not as bad as before. His hands tightly grabbed hold of the bed sheets. He sucked in a breath and released it. “In one of Grisha’ book it says Titan Shifters are only given 13 years to live. That means Eren has 4 years left to live, a-and I have 13. _13_ , I mean _shit_ Sasha I’m so sorry I can’t…” he blubbered away.

Sasha sank. She didn’t want to believe what Armin said but knew there was no point to argue what was clearly fact. In 13 years Armin was going to die. Eren too way before that but Armin. Before this she always imagined him to survive to the very end, more so than Eren who always seemed to have a death wish (he didn’t earn the nickname ‘suicidal bastard’ for nothing). It seemed reality liked taking a pin to her bubble of fantasy and making it pop right in her face whenever she least expects it.

“I’m sorry for this.”

Sasha snapped back turned to Armin who stared at her with bloodshot eyes, wet cheeks and a jerking bottom lip.

“What have you got to be sorry for?”

Armin looked at the floor briefly and then back at her for a moment. He then got to his feet and produced a handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped his face clean and put his handkerchief back in to his pocket. He looked back at Sasha who remained seated on her hospital bed.

“I want to talk about what happened on top of the wall, between us.”

Sasha’ cheeks started to flare. She crossed her arms and tried not to look ahead. “Don’t change the subject!”

“I’m not, I promise. This is related. Somewhat.” He said the last like whisper but continued. He stood there, fidgeting. “I just wanted to say that I…” he paused and fidgeted again. He looked in distress, not sure what or how to say what he meant. “I…” he shook his head, muttering “Dammit!”.

He looked down at his fists, then back up again and back at his fists. He had an idea. He marched over, sat back down in his spot next to Sasha on her bed, raised the back of his hand to his mouth and put his lips no it in a long and hard kiss as Sasha watched him. Following an awkward moment of unsureness, Sasha put the pieces together eventually before Armin pressed his smooched palm on her red hot cheek. It stayed there for a couple of seconds longer than either of them thought it would before finally going under her chin, his thumb crumpling her when it swiped across the skin between her chin and bottom lip. She then noticed him lean forward inch by inch until his breath collided with hers. It was too late to stop him or herself as she too went forward and met him half way. The kiss was brief. Sasha looked into Armin.

“Does this mean you like me too?” Sasha spoke soft and slow. Armin nodded.

“For a long time now. I can’t remember when exactly but I know I’ve always enjoyed your company and what you bring to others not just from a soldier’s standpoint. You have such kindness and bravery within you. I need that. More than ever. But today I’m putting my foot down. No more chances! I kept saying to myself that I would ask you out next day or after each expedition but not anymore. The clock is ticking and I will not waste another second of this chance I’ve been handed. Sasha Blouse, I only have 13 years left to live and I was wondering… if I could spend them with you.”

The waterworks leaked and Sasha wept. She wasn’t sure why, whether it be joy or fulfillment of a fantasy become reality. She decided on both. _If this is a dream, I beg to anyone listening to not wake me._ She wished as she leapt forward and tackled the poor man onto his back with a long, deepening kiss. The two had their lips locked until their faces were pink. She was on top of him, her hands resting on his chest and feeling his heart smash against his rib-cage. She bit her lip remembering vague pictures in her mind about what she saw underneath the shirt he wore but she kept her composure well. She looked at his face which was one of shock.

“Is that a ‘yes’?” he asked timidly.

She giggled at how cute he sounded. “Of course it is you dummy!”

Armin scratched his cheek in embarrassment. “Sorry I’m not use to this sort of thing.”

“Neither am I.” Sasha admitted. She lowered herself down and rested, her head next to his while her body remained on top. He didn’t show any discomfort. “Which makes us even.”

He pulled his arm out from under her and put around her shoulder, pulling her in a little closer. “I’m sorry I can’t give you a lifetime but with what I’ve got I’ll make it my sole mission to make every day I have left count and mean something. For you, for me, for everyone.”

Sasha listened intently. This ‘new Armin’, she was calling him, seemed honest, confident and sure of himself. He didn’t look like the type to hesitate or second guess himself, like he did before on many occasions. She was beginning to fall for him all over again but for different reasons. She decided to chip in on his new outlook.

“Don’t forget the small things. The small things is what makes life count.”

He smiled at her. “Its a good thing I have you then, isn’t it?”

Sasha blushed and dug herself into his shoulder. A few hours went by with the two of them lying back on the bed, talking everything under the sun. Once she was released, Armin was going to take Sasha out to a restaurant that’s said to have some of the finest cuisine in all of the three Walls. He was going to visit her every day until then and have something for her (likely edible food). Everyone had been wanting to visit Sasha for a long time but was strained under the pressure of the hearing and the imprisonment of Eren and Mikasa. Armin was going to rectify this. “You shouldn’t be cupped up here all day by yourself. You’ll go crazy!” He put it. Sasha agreed and the conversation soon turned to things normal couples do in a relationships; meeting the parents, going out on dates, sharing accommodation, keeping it professional in a work environment, among dozens of other things. But the Titan in the room was the eventual heartache that would ensure in 13 years time. It went eerily quiet, the subject tainting the new couple’s happiness and optimism with the cruel reminder that all they will do and ever achieve will become undone in one day.

“I should have told you sooner.” Sasha sighed. “I wanted to for so long but I didn’t have the guts to say it. I kept telling myself that I was protecting you by zipping my mouth shut and hoping that there was always a next time. But a good friend of mine told me to never get hung up on ‘what ifs’. Instead you should live with ‘why not’. There’s nothing to feel sorry about, Armin. Nothing at all. What’s done is done and there’s nothing we can do to change that. We live with what we’ve got and I’m happy with what I have.”

Armin gazed in amazement, his jaw hanging half open. He realized he hadn’t answered and shook his head and cleared his throat.

“This friend of yours he wouldn’t happen to be Connie now would it?”

Sasha shrugged with a grin. “Maybe.”

“It doesn’t sound like him to be given sage advice like that.”

“That’s what I said!”

“ _Heh_. I guess this world is still full of surprises. But I wholeheartedly agree nonetheless. Since that day on the wall I hated myself for not being man enough months ego but now I’m just happy enough to be alive. Again… for now.”

“But you can make up for it now, can’t you?”

He kissed her forehead and smiled. “Like I said, I’ll make every day count.”

True to his word he did.


End file.
